If you’re not a parent yet or even if you are, it’s wise to think this subject through when writing your True Love List. For example:
My True Love…
- definitely wants to have children
- is OK not having children
- dreams of having a large family with #(3, 5, 10) children
- wants a small family with 1 or 2 children
- is open to adopting children from foster care
- will be a loving, patient, kind, and fun father
When writing my own True Love List, I was divorced and already had two children. Here’s an example of my entries about children:
- My True Love has no children. If he does have children, they are grown and self-sufficient
- My True Love likes my children. He understands and admires my devotion to them
- My True Love enjoys spending time with me and my children
Dating taught me what I wanted and didn’t want
You may think it sounds selfish, but honestly, dating taught me I wanted all of my love’s attention for myself!
My boyfriend, Roger, had twin boys. At age 21, they still lived at home which would have been OK if they contributed to the household and Roger’s peace of mind in a good way. They got in trouble with the law, didn’t have steady jobs, and knew how to manipulate their dad. They made my life miserable because Roger complained constantly about them – until I said, “No more! Kick them out or stop complaining.”
Another boyfriend, Jack, had joint custody of his 12-year old son. Every other weekend, Jack was totally engaged with his son – umpiring his baseball games, building a hobby computer with him, watching movies, and other activities. I appreciated what a good dad he was but being the third wheel every other weekend was not for me.
My hubby CJ checks all my wants on my list. He was previously married but never had children. He has great relationships with my children and they enjoy each other’s company. My True Love List worked for me and so will yours.
Please remind yourself to love yourself!
Like many daughters, my father was my first true love. To me, he was super tall (6′) and handsome with wavy black hair and shiny brown eyes. He nicknamed me June Bug, taught me to fish, and helped me with my math homework. He loved of all kinds of music from Chet Atkins to Miles Davis to Nina Simone. He liked to dance and, being a native Tar Heel, he could clog up a storm!
This Fathers Day – the third Sunday in June – families will celebrate the important men in their lives – fathers, step-dads, single dads, grandfathers, uncles, foster dads, dads who are present and even dads who are not – like mine.
I wish the part of my life when I had my father had a better ending.
But, at age 14, I learned my father was just a human. That’s when my parents divorced and he immediately married a woman with three young children. A few months later, he and his new wife packed up in the night and sneaked out of Florida taking my 11-year old brother with them. They left mom and me and my 2-year old twin sisters to fend for ourselves. I never saw him or heard from him again.
Later in life, recovering from my own divorce, my therapist asked how I felt about my dad. I explained that when he left the state, I decided the daddy I knew was dead. He had changed into someone I didn’t know or understand and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
Believing he was dead worked for me. I didn’t want ruin my memory of him with feelings of anger and resentment. Instead, I held onto the image of the father I knew and loved. Because he was dead, I could still love him, grieve him, and wish he was there for my high school prom and graduation. I could feel sad that he missed my wedding and his grandchildren. I could remember all the wonderful birthdays, Christmases, and Fathers Day we had together.
My therapist said she was proud of me for dealing with the loss of my father this way.
He died for real 17 years later. My brother went to his funeral. I did not. I had already buried and grieved for him.
Your relationship with your father most likely influences your romantic relationships. Not surprisingly, my True Love, my husband CJ, is a lot like my dad. He nicknamed me Nurglebear, he loves all genres of music and he likes to dance. And, although he doesn’t care to go fishing, he likes to eat fish!
There’s a lot of information in books, magazines and online about on how the the father/daughter and father/son relationship impacts our lives. You might find it helpful to do a little research to better understand your paternal relationships when creating your True Love List.
My True List included this statement: My True Love loves me unconditionally as I am – just like my father did.
Remember, you are loved!