Before I married CJ – my second and best-ever husband – my friend Susan said I should go on a canoe trip test with him. “Why?” I asked.  “Because a canoe trip brings out the worst in people. You’ll see how he handles stress,” she answered. Thinking back on the few times I was ever in a canoe and remembering all the #%*$^&* (swear words), I agreed with her.

Our canoe trip test 

Two months before we married, our first “canoe trip test” was flying from Ft. Lauderdale, FL, to San Diego, CA. I was attending a business conference for three days. CJ packed his surfboard and wetsuit. We planned to stay an additional three days to visit my brother in Palm Springs, CA. I made all the reservations – air flights, hotels, and even rented a van to carry his surfboard.  Everything was planned perfectly until…

Test #1

We missed our flight from Ft. Lauderdale – the very first step of our trip! Travel experiences with my ex-husband had always been stressful so I was on high alert, looking for signs of CJ’s stress. Was he going to yell at me, blame me, stomp off in a rage like the ex would have? None of that happened and we took the next flight 2 hours later.  I was relieved until…

More tests…

We got separated in the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport. For about 30 minutes, I stood in front of the ladies restroom closest to our gate hoping he would find me. And I worried while I waited. Would he be mad at me? Would he blame me for getting separated, or pout and ignore me? But when he saw me, (he was far, far away for some reason) his face lit up with happiness – not anger or blame.  He wasn’t pissed, he didn’t lecture me, instead he hugged and kissed me and made me feel loved.

Stop expecting bad things.

At this point,  I decided to stop expecting CJ to act like my ex. I reminded myself of My True Love List – “My true love likes to travel by plane, train, car, or boat and stays calm when things go wrong.”

I confessed.

CJ was unaware that we were on a “secret” True Love Canoe Trip Test. As we drove from beautiful San Diego to my brother’s house in Palm Springs, I confessed. “Did I pass?” he asked. “Yes, yes, yes!” was my answer. We agreed that we both passed the test and decided it was another positive sign that we were supposed to be together. (Turns out, he was watching how I reacted when things went wrong!) The rest of this first trip went smoothly. Of course, since then, we’ve been tested many times but we stick together, support each other, and get through whatever fate throws at us. That’s our true love. 

Do you want to travel with your True Love?

If you like to travel and want to travel with your True Love, write your list of who and what you want! Here’s some positive attribute suggestions about travel you may want to use. An attribute is a quality or feature that someone or something has. But, remember, this list is all about you – who and what do you want your True Love to be? Listed here are a few examples but please write your own positive statements.

My True Love:

• loves to travel with me
• is happy for me to travel without him
• prefers to travel by trains and cars
• is fun to travel with
• stays calm when problems happen
• is interested in traveling to remote areas of the world
• wants to go camping, hiking, canoeing with me
• wants to climb mountains with me
• wants to go skiing with me 
• wants to go on cruises with me and our family and friends
• likes to go on impromptu road trips
• is happy for me to be in charge of trip details like reservations
• is happy for himself to be in charge of trip details like reservations
• is happy to travel with my children and other family members
• is happy to travel with my dog

Share your True Love travel list and I will send you mine!

  Remember, your love is looking for you, too!

If you’ve ever watched the popular TV series – The Goldbergs, written by Adam F. Goldberg – you probably heard mom Beverly “Bevy” announce she was cooking “shrimp parm.” I could never tell if the family really wanted or liked shrimp parm, but they all seemed to know that shrimp parm was her “fix it” for stressful situations as well as for celebrations.

My True Love List included this entry: My True Love enjoys a variety of food, is willing to try new foods, and appreciates my cooking. The first time CJ came to my house for dinner, I made fried chicken. He still talks about how good it was and how surprised he was that I cooked fried chicken as good as his mom and Aunt Penny. And, since food is one of my love languages, I was impressed when he made perfect over-easy eggs and buttered bread toasted in the oven for me at his place – be still my heart!

Shrimp Parm doesn’t sound like a dish I would make, but guess what? A thoughtful family member gifted me the Goldbergs Cookbook! Written by the real life Beverly Goldberg with Jenn Fujikawa, Bevy’s “World-Class Shrimp Parm” is featured at the front of the book on page 14. Here’s a quote from Bevy herself as written in the cookbook:

“If there’s one meal I’m known for, it’s my shrimp parm. It’s a staple of the Goldberg House. My schmoos can’t get enough of its fried, cheesy goodness. And over the years it’s been at the center of some of my family’s biggest moments. That’s because it fills up their hearts as much as it fills up their tummies.”

Since shrimp parm is one of Bevy’s love languages, I’ve included the recipe for you to try:

1 pound (16 to 20 count) large shrimp, cleaned and deveined

1 cup whole milk

1 cup seasoned breadcrumbs

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

Vegetable oil for frying

1 (24-ounce) jar pasta sauce

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9X13-inch pan with nonstick spray.
2. Place cleaned shrimp into a bowl with the milk and set aside.
3. In a shallow dish, whisk together breadcrumbs, flour, garlic powder, salt, and pepper.
4. Remove shrimp from milk and dredge them in breading.
5. In a skillet over medium-high heat, heat 2-inches of oil and fry shrimp until golden brown. Transfer to paper towels to drain.
6. Pour half of the sauce into the prepared pan, then layer shrimp and half the mozzarella cheese.
7. Pour over the rest of the sauce and add remaining mozzarella cheese.
8. Bake for 15 minutes.
9. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top to serve.

Hey! Let me know if you made the shrimp parm. Is cooking or food one of your love languages?  What’s your favorite recipe to show love?

Out of the blue, my marketing business friend Laney invited me to lunch. As soon as we sat down, she whispered loudly, “Ok lady, I need that damn voodoo doll!” Heads turned.

“I’ve been single for 10 years, my boys are grown, and I’m tired of being single!”

“You heard about my voodoo doll?” I was surprised she knew about my doll since I’d only shared her with one other person.

“I’ve got my resources – someone at Bloopers told me,” she admitted. Bloopers is the local bar/restaurant where my friends and I meet Wednesdays for happy hour.  I guessed correctly that my best friend Alicia told her. She’s the first and only person I’d given the doll to at that time.

“Before you get Miss Voodoo, you need to write your True Love List of everything you….,”  She held her hand up to stop me.

Her list was like an old condom

“I have it right here.” She pulled a paper folded into a small square from her wallet. It was worn and stained on the edges like an old condom a guy carries in his wallet. “I’ve been carrying it around for years,” she said carefully unfolding the list.

But when I reached for it, she snatched it away.  She didn’t want to share – said it was too personal. I respect that – my list has a lot of personal (sex) stuff on it too. (sex is a whole ‘nother article!)  Looking back now, I could have saved her a lot of heartbreak if she had shared her list with me.

It was just lunch and then…

The next Wednesday, Laney, Alicia, and I met at Bloopers. We went out to my car where Alicia and I ceremoniously presented the voodoo doll to her. On Friday, she called in a panic.  “Danny Sparro asked me to lunch!”  He’s the Public Information Officer at the city’s fire department which Laney’s marketing company works with occasionally.

“That’s nice. Where’re you going?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I told him I’d call him back. Do you think this is a date?”

“I guess it could be. What’s wrong with that?”

“I haven’t been on a date in so long. I don’t how to act or what to say or…”

“Hey – it’s OK. Stop overthinking. Just go and be yourself. He’s not asking you for sex or to marry him – it’s just lunch. OK?”

“OK, you’re right. I like Danny. I’ve worked with him for years – he’s so funny and he just got divorced.”  Uh-oh.

Three months later…

Laney and Danny got married at the Courthouse. I was invited to their backyard cookout reception at Danny’s house where I met his three boys ages 5, 7, and 9. They were totally out of control – running in and out of the house, screaming, fighting, whining, and crying. Danny needed help. Laney did the best she could to reign them in but they paid no attention to either of them.

Even more disturbing,  instead of spending the day celebrating his marriage to Laney, Danny yakked on and on about his crazy ex-wife and the horrible things she was doing to trash his life and ruin his children. It was obvious he wasn’t “over” his ex yet. It was also obvious that the children were reacting to the upheaval in their lives. I felt sorry for my friend.

For a full year, Laney tried to fix their lives – hers and Danny’s, and the kids but realized she was in a hopeless situation and got divorced.

What went wrong?

“My list had kids on it. I should have taken them off. I had my kids – I don’t want more,” she told me and Alicia. Looking at Laney’s list it was apparent that she had changed, her life situation had changed, and her list was outdated.  It was written soon after her divorce when she would have liked to have more children (a girl) with the right man. “It’s like reading my diary when I was 13-years old,” Laney laughed.

Review and refresh

If you have already written your True Love list, please review it, refresh it occasionally. As your life and your desires change, so should your list.  Remember, you are loved!

P.S. – Questions? Ideas? You’re welcome to contact me at mytruelovelist@gmail.com.

My True Love…

• definitely wants to have children
• is OK not having children
• dreams of having a large family with #(3, 5, 10) children
• wants a small family with 1 or 2 children
• is open to adopting children from foster care
• will be a loving, patient, kind, and fun father

When writing my own True Love List, I was divorced and already had two children. Here’s an example of my entries about children:

• My True Love has no children. If he does have children, they are grown and self-sufficient
• My True Love likes my children. He understands and admires my devotion to them
• My True Love enjoys spending time with me and my children

Dating taught me what I wanted and didn’t want

You may think it sounds selfish, but honestly, dating taught me I wanted all of my love’s attention for myself!

My boyfriend, Roger, had twin boys. At age 21, they still lived at home which would have been OK if they contributed to the household and Roger’s peace of mind in a good way. They got in trouble with the law, didn’t have steady jobs, and knew how to manipulate their dad. They made my life miserable because Roger complained constantly about them – until I said, “No more! Kick them out or stop complaining.”

Another boyfriend, Jack, had joint custody of his 12-year old son. Every other weekend, Jack was totally engaged with his son – umpiring his baseball games, building a hobby computer with him, watching movies, and other activities. I appreciated what a good dad he was but being the third wheel every other weekend was not for me.

My hubby CJ checks all my wants on my list. He was previously married but never had children. He has great relationships with my children and they enjoy each other’s company. My True Love List worked for me and so will yours.

Please remind yourself to love yourself!

This Fathers Day – the third Sunday in June – families will celebrate the important men in their lives – fathers, step-dads, single dads, grandfathers, uncles, foster dads, dads who are present and even dads who are not – like mine.

I wish the part of my life when I had my father had a better ending.

But, at age 14, I learned my father was just a human. That’s when my parents divorced and he immediately married a woman with three young children. A few months later, he and his new wife packed up in the night and sneaked out of Florida taking my 11-year old brother with them. They left mom and me and my 2-year old twin sisters to fend for ourselves. I never saw him or heard from him again.

Later in life, recovering from my own divorce, my therapist asked how I felt about my dad. I explained that when he left the state, I decided the daddy I knew was dead. He had changed into someone I didn’t know or understand and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Believing he was dead worked for me. I didn’t want ruin my memory of him with feelings of anger and resentment.  Instead, I held onto the image of the father I knew and loved. Because he was dead, I could still love him, grieve him, and wish he was there for my high school prom and graduation.  I could feel sad that he missed my wedding and his grandchildren. I could remember all the wonderful birthdays, Christmases, and Fathers Day we had together.

My therapist said she was proud of me for dealing with the loss of my father this way.

He died for real 17 years later. My brother went to his funeral. I did not. I had already buried and grieved for him.

Your relationship with your father most likely influences your romantic relationships.  Not surprisingly, my True Love, my husband CJ, is a lot like my dad. He nicknamed me Nurglebear, he loves all genres of music and he likes to dance. And, although he doesn’t care to go fishing, he likes to eat fish!

There’s a lot of information in books, magazines and online about on how the the father/daughter and father/son relationship impacts our lives.  You might find it helpful to do a little research to better understand your paternal relationships when creating your True Love List.

My True List included this statement: My True Love loves me unconditionally as I am – just like my father did.

Remember, you are loved!

Much like humans, the relationship between flowers and bees is complex and mutualistic. Flowers compete for pollinators like bees, butterflies, birds and bats. Bees and other pollinators compete for flowers that meet their preferences for size, shape, color and fragrance.

You see now that there are many options for attracting or landing on your True Love. If you’re a flower, you may feel challenged by the idea of attracting bees – like I did. I had to get over feeling that I was too old, or not pretty enough, or too fat, whatever….it doesn’t matter because you’re absolutely perfect for the right bee (I’m proof of that!) And, if you’re a bee, you may feel like you’re on a hamster wheel of failed relationships, bad dating decisions, or you’re not good enough for a fabulous flower – whatever….it doesn’t matter because you’re perfect for the right flower.

Use your True Love List to claim you and your true love – i.e. My true love is a bee and I am his/her flower. Or, my true love is a flower and I am his/her bee. Try replacing the word “bee” with butterfly, bird, or bat and pay attention to how that feels. My true love sleeps most of the day and stays awake most of the night – he’s definitely a bat!

Always remember, you deserve true love – Tricia

Are you familiar with the “Lover’s Knot?” It’s a symbol found in many cultures throughout history. The Knot symbolizes neverending love and devotion between two people. I asked ChatGPT for more information about this undying symbol of true love – here is the result:

Throughout history, the Lover’s Knot has gracefully traversed the diverse landscapes of various cultures, manifesting as a symbol of enduring love and unity. In Celtic tradition, the Lover’s Knot, also known as the Celtic Love Knot, represents the interconnectedness of life and love. Woven into intricate patterns, these knots adorned jewelry, clothing, and even illuminated manuscripts, symbolizing the eternal nature of the bonds formed between lovers. The Celts believed that the continuous loops of the Lover’s Knot mirrored the cyclical nature of existence, with no clear beginning or end, making it a powerful emblem of unbreakable connections.

In Chinese culture, the Lover’s Knot, referred to as the “Pan Chang” or “Double Coin Knot,” has been an integral part of wedding ceremonies for centuries. Tied during the wedding rituals, the knot symbolizes the unison of two lives, families, and destinies. The intertwining loops signify the eternal nature of love and the binding commitment made between the bride and groom. This timeless symbol continues to be a prevalent motif in modern Chinese weddings, adorning invitations, decorations, and bridal attire, carrying forward a tradition that celebrates the everlasting strength of love. Across cultures and continents, the Lover’s Knot stands as a universal testament to the enduring power of love, gracefully transcending time and borders.

You might have guessed that History was a category on My True Love List. I love history and exploring historic places so, of course, I wanted a life-partner who shared my enthusiasm or who was willing to go along with me. I must say the list fulfilled my desire in a big way because my husband CJ also loves history. And he is a true Hard Rock music historian – not something I specifically asked for but a welcome bonus! Your True Love List might also unveil surprising and delightful bonuses that enrich your journey together.

You are loved,
Tricia

What is your definition of true love? What does true love mean to you? Writing your True Love List will help you create your personal definition unique to you.

The online Oxford English Dictionary simply defines true love as “faithful or genuine love.” Other definitions I found range from “True love is like a perfectly brewed cup of tea, a delicate blend of warmth, sweetness, and comfort that wraps around your heart,” to “True love is the unwavering commitment to understanding, supporting, and cherishing one another in both the highs and lows.” Both statements have value, but I believe the best and most authentic definition of true love is one that you create for yourself.

When asked for his definition of true love, my husband thought about it for a while and then said, “True love is feeling a level of comfort I’ve never felt before.” Awww – now I love him even more!

I invite you to reflect on your own thoughts, share your unique definitions of true love, and let us know how your True Love List is unfolding.

You are loved,

Tricia

Have you started your True Love List yet? Even if you’ve started or completed your True Love List, here are just a few categories you might consider adding to enrich your list:
Food * Sex * Family Relationships * Marriage * Housework * Hobbies * Money Management * Driving Skills * Health * Education * Introvert vs. Extrovert

Let’s take a moment to focus on the positive attributes of Food. Your True Love in this category could be someone who appreciates a wide array of cuisines, including sushi, barbecue, fish, pizza, and your home cooking. Alternatively, it could be someone who understands and accepts both your pickiness and theirs. Or perhaps your True Love delights in the restaurant experience, enjoying the exploration of different places and types of food.

My True Love…

1. enjoys all types of food including sushi, barbecue, fish, pizza and my home cooking
2. is picky about food and understands and accepts that I’m picky too
3. enjoys the restaurant experience and enjoys trying different places and types of cuisine

What categories are on your True Love List? Please share!

You are loved,
Tricia