My first True Love
Like many daughters, my father was my first true love. To me, he was super tall (6′) and handsome with wavy black hair and shiny brown eyes. He nicknamed me June Bug, taught me to fish, and helped me with my math homework. He loved of all kinds of music from Chet Atkins to Miles Davis to Nina Simone. He liked to dance and, being a native Tar Heel, he could clog up a storm!
This Fathers Day – the third Sunday in June – families will celebrate the important men in their lives – fathers, step-dads, single dads, grandfathers, uncles, foster dads, dads who are present and even dads who are not – like mine.
I wish the part of my life when I had my father had a better ending.
But, at age 14, I learned my father was just a human. That’s when my parents divorced and he immediately married a woman with three young children. A few months later, he and his new wife packed up in the night and sneaked out of Florida taking my 11-year old brother with them. They left mom and me and my 2-year old twin sisters to fend for ourselves. I never saw him or heard from him again.
Later in life, recovering from my own divorce, my therapist asked how I felt about my dad. I explained that when he left the state, I decided the daddy I knew was dead. He had changed into someone I didn’t know or understand and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
Believing he was dead worked for me. I didn’t want ruin my memory of him with feelings of anger and resentment. Instead, I held onto the image of the father I knew and loved. Because he was dead, I could still love him, grieve him, and wish he was there for my high school prom and graduation. I could feel sad that he missed my wedding and his grandchildren. I could remember all the wonderful birthdays, Christmases, and Fathers Day we had together.
My therapist said she was proud of me for dealing with the loss of my father this way.
He died for real 17 years later. My brother went to his funeral. I did not. I had already buried and grieved for him.
Your relationship with your father most likely influences your romantic relationships. Not surprisingly, my True Love, my husband CJ, is a lot like my dad. He nicknamed me Nurglebear, he loves all genres of music and he likes to dance. And, although he doesn’t care to go fishing, he likes to eat fish!
There’s a lot of information in books, magazines and online about on how the the father/daughter and father/son relationship impacts our lives. You might find it helpful to do a little research to better understand your paternal relationships when creating your True Love List.
My True List included this statement: My True Love loves me unconditionally as I am – just like my father did.
Remember, you are loved!